Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Helmet rapping and not running people over on your motorcycle

Wassup? I’ve been listening to the new Drake album, Views, and I’ve taken to singing along, sorry, rapping, in my helmet while riding.

It helps dull the annoying sound of the tinnitus the audio specialist told me I had developed the other day. Just add it to the list of things my body hates me for I thought. I’ll punish it with more Drake.
 So, on this new album, the opening track ‘Keep The Family Close’ really annoyed me at first, this kind of grandiose weird orchestral piece with a strange off beat rhythm, but I also found it mesmerising, until eventually... it got me and I'm hooked.

Now I can’t help but try and copy the damn thing word for word. I’ve always been a bit like that, copying stuff I like. In fact, my whole life I’ve been a copycat when I think about it.

I copy what I like, draw what I see, read what I enjoy, rewrite what I’ve read before, regurgitate stories I’ve been told, sing songs others sung, think thoughts my parents set deep in my subconscious and ride roads others have ridden before me; copy, copy, copy.

Isn’t that what we all do, to learn what we know?

Anyway I’ve been copying this Drake rhyme, I used to sing in a band in my twenties actually, really badly yet I yearn to do it again as a hip-hop dude. I figure it’s probably a bit late for that.

Plus I suck at it, I think I’m actually tone deaf. S

o here I am, a lame-ish 40-something-white-dude rapping Drake absently…. ‘All of my "let's just be friends" are friends I don't have anymore...'

Cruising down Latrobe St hill in the CBD heading towards Elizabeth on an otherwise average albeit slightly wet day, after lunching with my very own BFG, visiting the bike shops talking all things Dynas, FXRs, Lowriders and Harleys, I’m doing my very worst Drake... “...Guess I should've tried to keep my family closer.

Much closer" I’m doing the allotted speed restriction, rapping to Drake and I’m just about to enter Elizabeth Street, Tram stop full of people to my right and, just then, right as I hit the first white line of Elizabeth St - a human being with her head down, headphones on, walks straight in front of me. For all of my flaws and weaknesses I really do have amazing reflexes.

 Lucky for her. I slammed on both anchors with such instant might the forward force of my stopping so abruptly, moved so much air her hair goes flying up towards heaven where she very almost ended up; she shrieks, a strangers arm reaches out blindly to grab her and I instinctively point the beak in the opposite direction, toward a truck on my left no less, and before I blink I've narrowly missed both the woman and the truck - and the near miss is over.

 I’m not covered in blood and guts, and a young woman may be thinking twice about trying to catch Pokemon blindly during peak hour in the middle of busy intersections.

But most likely not.

 "Guess I should've tried to keep my family closer. Much closer” Drake tells me through my intercom.

Not that close thanks Drake.

Until next time, look up ffs.

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